The Why Hour

Guitar

I have been learning Guitar for a long time. But I have not made an apparently significant progress. In fact I don't even know on what parameters I need to evaluate my progress. I have no sense of direction because I have yet to decide the destination. My practice is sporadic, random , purposeless and directionless. I don't particularly enjoy guitar. But I never enjoyed reading at some point of time and now reading has become part of me, and now it is not merely a habit. I have realized that I have never really questioned why I want to learn the guitar. And now it's seemingly obvious that the root of the problem is the deliberate, yet unintentional evading of the important question: "Why". So let  me answer it today.

Why I want to learn guitar?

I started learning guitar in the first place because I figure it is something creative to do. And that time the goal of my life was to become creative. Little did I know that creativity begins from the way we think to the way we perform our actions by being true and honest to ourselves, by bringing forth our true, original selves and not just doing something the way we are subconsciously conditioned to do or the way society deems it to be appropriate. But, yes we do a lot of things on the basis of the wrong reasons but sometimes those actions may lead us to the right destination pushing the erroneous reasons into oblivion. So in short the basis or the foundation on which I wanted to build this skill was shaky and weak. So almost after 6 years of erratic and intermittent practice, and after experimenting with different teachers, let us start with the root of it all "Why".

1. It is something I have been doing for a long time and after concerted efforts I have reached to some level of expertise. So i thought if I won't start again all my earlier efforts will go in vain and my efforts would be wasted. But then nothing ever goes waste. And this will not keep me motivated for long. Also earlier I was practising just out of that chilling fear of being reprimanded by my teacher whom I was completely in awe with. So, the reason was a cocktail of fear and deference. But as it showed,  as it was based on a frivolous reason, it didn't hold for long. So, this goes out of the window.
( As I am writing this, I am very apprehensive as this approach towards life to ask the "Why" of our actions can expand to all my other important pursuits, all of them much more significant than learning guitar)
2. I did realise the fallacy in my objective of learning guitar after almost 6 years. When I joined again I was very determined to do, because I wanted to engage myself in some activity. I wanted something that I can immerse myself into which can give me the self-gratification that I have used my time effectively and not merely wasted it. So I actually I wanted something for timepass, lets be honest. But if this is acting as a cause of frustration and stress and then the whole objective of doing it is nullified. So, adios

Also I have realised that I can't tolerate mediocrity and I just can't let things be the way they are. I can't really accept the status quo. So if I am doing something I have to put adequate efforts in developing the skill and be really great in what I am doing. So, in this case I can happily come for classes and practise nothing at home but that would really hurt my conscience.

Also, I am trying to find a reason but then this whole process would be a sham. If I had a reason to do it, I would never had to find it. It would be something flowing in my veins, in my blood at the tip of my tongue. So, lets call it quits.

But we don't need to reflect on the question "Why" all the time sometimes the reasons are so obvious that we just have to do it.